Life has a way of testing our ability to adapt, a lesson poignantly illustrated by the recent loss of my mother at the age of 93. Her legacy of resilience in the face of constant change has profoundly shaped my outlook, especially as I navigate my own challenges. This episode is a deeply personal exploration of coping with life's unexpected turns and the art of maintaining composure through adversity. Drawing inspiration from Phil Haugen's personal development philosophies, I delve into the journey of bouncing back with grace and redefining discipline after missing a key horse show.
Equine enthusiasts will connect with the second thread of this discussion, where I address a listener's concerns about managing a strong-willed horse. Echoing Phil's emphasis on the power of subtle cues, I talk about horse and human communication, advocating for a blend of gentle guidance and clear intent. Then, I move from the saddle to the soul, underscoring the value of personal growth, tranquility, and adapting our communication styles for a more harmonious partnership. Join me as I intertwine heartfelt storytelling with practical advice for both horse lovers and those looking to harness the flow of life's currents.
May all your blues be ribbons
Life has a way of testing our ability to adapt, a lesson poignantly illustrated by the recent loss of my mother at the age of 93. Her legacy of resilience in the face of constant change has profoundly shaped my outlook, especially as I navigate my own challenges. This episode is a deeply personal exploration of coping with life's unexpected turns and the art of maintaining composure through adversity. Drawing inspiration from Phil Haugen's personal development philosophies, I delve into the journey of bouncing back with grace and redefining discipline after missing a key horse show.
Equine enthusiasts will connect with the second thread of this discussion, where I address a listener's concerns about managing a strong-willed horse. Echoing Phil's emphasis on the power of subtle cues, I talk about horse and human communication, advocating for a blend of gentle guidance and clear intent. Then, I move from the saddle to the soul, underscoring the value of personal growth, tranquility, and adapting our communication styles for a more harmonious partnership. Join me as I intertwine heartfelt storytelling with practical advice for both horse lovers and those looking to harness the flow of life's currents.
May all your blues be ribbons
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Horse Fix, where you can get that much needed horse fix and perhaps fix your horse at the same time. I'm Dr Sandra Holt and I'm coming to you from Longview, texas. I have so much to talk to you about today but given time restraints, I won't be able to get to all of it, so I'll just kind of pick the things that are foremost on my mind and in my heart and we'll go from there. Looks like it's going to be a pretty day here today. I'm sitting here watching the sunrise outside my studio and and I'm feeling grateful In today's episode I will talk to you a little bit about going with the flow and just what that entails at any given time in our lives, with and without our horses, and, of course, I will be answering questions from you listeners regarding your horse challenges, and maybe my answers will help some of you others out there that are listening. You know I do these podcasts to help you, the listener, with your self-development and growth and your insight on how to navigate your way through life. I like using the horse to do that and I feel like you listeners out there that don't even own a horse or perhaps aren't even that interested in horses feel like that, you can resonate with the content as well. So let's get started.
Speaker 1:A lot has happened since the last time I did an episode. I've been busy with my horses and doing clinics and going to horse shows. Of course, the holidays came and and left and they were delightful, except that probably the most life-changing thing that has happened to me in a while is that my dear 93 year old mother passed away. It was a peaceful passing. She died in her sleep. I'm glad that it happened that way and I'm so grateful that I was able to be with her. Her last nine years she lived with me, and so that just meant the world to me. I was honored to take care of her in her twilight years and it felt so blessed that I had her with me. I am dedicating this episode to my mother, opal Helen Jewelholt. When you think about it, 93 years is a long time and a lot of changes in the world, so mom had to go through coping with those changes. She was born during the depression and she had 11 siblings that she grew up with, and she was lucky even to go to school, because most of the times they had to work in the cotton fields, so she learned how to go with the flow and she taught me so much about that. It was only fitting that I choose going with the flow to dedicate to mom.
Speaker 1:I didn't exactly pick this topic randomly. I have been given the opportunity to go with the flow, so to speak. Just recently I was getting ready for the Fort Worth Stock Show and the Quarter Horse Division. I really felt like this was an important show for me. It could have been a well-qualifying show for me because there were three judges and I thought the numbers might be pretty big and so I could get my mirror qualified in several different disciplines and I was pretty excited about that. So I really geared up for it. I worked really hard. I was very disciplined with my horse and have been kind of going on the trend of discipline after listening to Phil Hogan and his podcast. By the way, I highly recommend that any of you out there that really want to learn something and be entertained at the same time listen to Phil Hogan's podcast. It's called Be your Best and he says a lot that resonates with my way of thinking. At any rate, I really had taken on the challenge of being disciplined to get ready for this show and even down to my outfits, and sewing individual crystals thousands of them on my show jacket, and I don't know why, but this show just really meant a lot to me.
Speaker 1:Anyway, the day that we were headed out to the show I was helping my friend Loda per horse. We were going to ride together with the horse trailer, so my horse was going to go in first and we'll make a long story short. She got in that first stall and when I went to close the divider the big heavy steel divider she spooked and ran backwards and knocked the divider in to me and threw me out of the trailer and onto my side and I broke my wrist and several places crushed. A piece of my bone, ended up with some nerve damage, was in a lot of pain, so ended up in the ER right away and he said you know you're going to be out of commission for a while. And of course I have to remind myself that it could have been a lot worse. I could have been trampled by her. She barely missed me as she was flying out of the horse trailer and the surgery itself was a success and thanks to a wonderful team of individuals there at Baylor Hospital. So you know, I'm thankful for that, and now I just need to redirect my energy to a different state of being disciplined, with the help of a little bit of a painkiller here and there.
Speaker 1:I went ahead and went to the show just to help my friend with her horse, just kind of coaching her on the sidelines a little bit and giving her some moral support. But needless to say, you know, my horse didn't make it with me and of course I made the mistake of watching every class that we were going to be in and deciding that from the rail that I had won every class. Anyway, it was frustrating for me, it was. I was very disappointed and sad and frustrated. But you know, I had, I had a choice. I could either go with the flow and take it for what it was, or pout, but I decided to make this an opportunity to show my character, my strong character, if nothing else, just to myself. I accomplished that. So I feel I feel like it wasn't a total waste. I'm recuperating now and of course I broke my dominant hand, so using my other hand has been a challenge and every single day it's go with the flow until I, until I am completely recovered. You know it's a, it's a daily effort.
Speaker 1:If you're married, you know if you have a, if you have a relationship, even with your children. You know there's going to be times when you'll decide that it's not important to be right, it's just important to fix the situation, or it's important to allow the situation to be what it is. Going with a flow doesn't mean you're not strong. It doesn't mean that you're bending in a way that you shouldn't Think of a willow tree, one of the strongest trees there is. Have you ever seen a broken branch on a willow tree? It's forever, because the willow tree bends with the wind. Going with a flow is not a passive state, it's not a weak part of you. It's a powerful and profound choice, one that can bring about calmness, peace, happiness, self-awareness. When you're quiet and you go with a flow, you can gain perspective over the situation and you're not giving up or giving in. You're changing your opinion, you're changing your direction. I think, more importantly, you're changing your source of energy.
Speaker 1:I have a perfect example in my life of a quote going with a flow type person, and that's my grandson Harrison. You've heard me talk about Harry many times 24 years old and he has the wisdom of an 84-year-old, he has tranquility and yet he gets everything done. He has the admiration of everyone he meets. Think of it as when you're sailing and you bring down your sail to avoid the wind. That's what he does, and he rides the storm out with the tranquil undercurrent. There are so many times that we I'm guilty of this we want to be in control and so we let that get in the way of perhaps the bigger picture and what the better outcome would be.
Speaker 1:It takes me back to Thanksgiving, when everyone's coming over or you're going somewhere and the host, or you being the hostess, is picking where everybody should sit so that they'll all get along, and you're controlling and you're planning and suddenly things change and there's a little tension in the air. Rather than try and fix that tension in a controlling way, sit back and let that tension dissolve. You know that's the way it is with horse training. You have your plans and your goals and what you're going to do that day, and things can change and things can get tense. Sometimes it simply takes sitting back, going with the flow, letting everything just kind of settle down and then starting again. But again, what I wanted to say was you know, you're in the moment, when you're going with the flow. And when you're in the moment, you can connect to the other person or the horse and really be involved and engaged, instead of trying to be a right fighter or trying to think ahead of what you're going to say or do next, and be the winner. And I say that in air quotes. You don't win when the other person loses. You win when there's harmony.
Speaker 1:Now I'm going to step back a minute and talk about harmony, because it's one of my favorite words. Some people think of harmony as two or more people coming together and being the same, but actually it's not at all that. It's two or more people coming together and creating a blend. It's something that is essential to life, whether it be with your human companion or your equine companion. It's a word that can make a difference. Now I looked it up and it says that, as a noun, it's the combination of simultaneously sounded musical notes to produce chords and chord progressions having a pleasing effect. It also says that the quality of forming a pleasing and consistent whole, and it also says that it's an agreement or a concord. So basically, for me, harmony consists of not the same. As you don't take yourself and your horse, you become same, and then it's harmony. Or you don't take your spouse and yourself and you're the same, and then it's harmony. It's taking two individual traits and blending them together.
Speaker 1:I do not have a doubt that all of you had had moments when your horses were not so compromising and you struggled and you fought with them. With horses, once you kind of lose their connection, you might as well stop trying to train. If they're afraid or if they get defiant, if they are trying to defend themselves, you don't have a connection with that horse anymore anyway. So you need to stop, take a breath and just sit there for a little bit. I often call it going with the feel and following the feel. I just want to remind all of you that I'm not suggesting that you give up your convictions and I'm not suggesting that you let other people tromple on your beliefs, but what I am suggesting is have some discernment about what is important and what isn't, categorize it if you must, but at the same time just be in that moment and go with the flow with your loved ones, with your coworkers, your friends and with your horses.
Speaker 1:So let's go on to the next section of this episode and it's the Opportunities and the Fix. So I have a letter in front of me here from a lady named Abigail Blankenship and she's from Water Belief, michigan. Well, first let me say, abigail, I know Water Belief, michigan. I lived there many years ago. A lovely little town, very little horse farms here and there scattered about and a little cold in the winter and a little snowy, but truly loved the town. So, at any rate, abigail sent me a letter and, abigail, I really appreciated it and loved reading all about you and your horse.
Speaker 1:I'm going to narrow it down to the question for our listeners. Abigail wrote this I find myself fighting with my horse on a daily basis. When we're working on patterns and certain maneuvers, he stops and throws his head or kicks out and acts very annoyed with me. Then I get annoyed with him and we start fighting. How can I fix this? Well, abigail, I do know some of the background from your letter, but first I want to say that make sure that you've had him checked out physically and that there's nothing wrong with him biomechanically wise. Make sure his saddle fits right. It's not pinching him. Sometimes, when there's certain things you're asking of a horse, for instance, if you're asking them to side pass the saddle's pinching the withers. They may not want to do that, so make sure you have them completely checked out, but I'm going to assume that you have, and then we're going to go on with the mental part, no-transcript.
Speaker 1:I want you to step away from your horse for a minute and look within. How are you when you are confronted or when you have a challenge with another person? Do you need to be right? Do you feel like you're not going to be satisfied until the other person agrees with you? And how long does that confrontation last and how frustrated do you get and does it escalate? Sometimes the way we are with our human relationships crosses over to how we handle our horses. So, being reflective and I'm not suggesting at all that you are confrontational, I'm not suggesting that you're a lady that argues a lot, but what I am saying is see if there's a part of you that is reluctant to go with the flow.
Speaker 1:When we have a situation where we're disagreeing with someone, we have to look at it as if to say, am I contributing to the disagreement, to the argument, to the downright fight, or am I fixing it? Ultimately? We want it fixed. So we have to put aside our desire to be right and to bring the person over to our side, come up with a compromise. So you're probably asking how does that relate to the disagreements that I have with my horse? Here's the thing. So you both have a strong character and that can be good if you blend your strong character in a way that it benefits.
Speaker 1:Let's take his ability to communicate. He's definitely communicating to you. I don't want to and I'll show you I don't want to, I'm going to kick out or I'm going to spin around or I'm going to throw my head up or, you know, I'm going to pin my ears. So he's communicating to you. So now you need to stop and listen to that communication and you may have conditioned yourself to be pretty strong with your cues because you're expecting him to disagree. So perhaps you find another avenue and another way to ask for those cues. I'll give you an example.
Speaker 1:Let's say you're asking him to lope off in the right hand lead. So you know I could tell by your letter you're go full and you're knowledgeable and that you would know to lay your left leg on him and push his hip over a little bit to the right and maybe press a little bit with your right leg at the girth and smooch and lope off. You are already knowing, in your precondition to know, that he won't lope off. So you give the extra hard cues Just to reinforce what you're asking and he doesn't do it. So stop and regroup, make that connection again, because you're definitely when you're fighting. You have a disconnect.
Speaker 1:So find something that you can connect with him walking off to the left and making a small circle at a walk to the left and then walking off to the right and making a small circle to the right. So you're doing a little figure eight. You're asking him to think a little bit and to connect with you. Then perhaps you'll trot down the rail, turn toward the fence and then go back to that walk your figure eight. Now what you're doing here is you're bringing him back to you and you're giving him a job to do that he is okay with and that he knows he does this well, so he's happy to do it. Now we're going to go back to the rail and we're going to do a trot off, stop, roll back to the fence. You very sweetly just interject the cue to lope off to the right.
Speaker 1:By now he really has been tuned in to you, wondering what you're going to ask for next. I won't call this tricking him, but you're just subtly getting him to do this and now you're harmonizing. So you may not want to do that specific exercise or drill, but my point is that you want to get his mind back to you and by doing so he'll get to where he's listening and you two aren't fighting. So you're compromising because you are saying, okay, well, let's go back to something you like. So that's your compromise. And you do that for a while, and then you slowly interject something you want. I'm willing to think this may work for you.
Speaker 1:I'd be remiss if I didn't say do be subtle with your cues with your horse, or any of you out there with your horses. Be subtle with your cues, but make your intentions known. Like Phil Halkin says, give your horse a signal before the signal, therefore giving him a chance to follow your feel. Now, that's a whole another podcast, but I wanted to throw that in there because many times we forget that our horses are thinking creatures and we want them to think instead of just react. So we're giving them an opportunity to do so.
Speaker 1:Well, guys, I am all out of time. I hope that you got something out of it and enjoyed it, and again soon I'm going to be doing probably several podcasts, because I can't ride right now because of my injury with my wrist, so I'll need to do something horse related for sure. Until next time, my friends, I want you to think every day about going with the flow. Become soft, become supple, like you want your horse to be. Look back and gain perspective and allow others to do the same. I know that it will bring some tranquility to your life and help you move forward. And, of course, my wish for you is that all of your blues be ribbons. Bye, bye.