Life Lessons from the Arena

Can participating in horse shows truly shape a child's character? Join me as I chat with parents Candy Bobo, Clay Funderburk, and Samantha Beasley, who share their heartfelt stories and insights into the transformative power of horse shows for young equestrians. From learning responsibility and accountability to understanding the value of sportsmanship, we'll explore how these experiences help children grow in unexpected and beautiful ways.
      In this episode, we emphasize the crucial role trainers play in fostering a safe and supportive environment for young riders. The panel discusses the balance parents must strike between preparation and presence, ensuring their children feel supported and confident on show days. You'll hear firsthand accounts of the emotional rollercoaster at the horse shows and tips for helping your child navigate the highs and lows while maintaining a focus on fun and learning.
     Beyond the ribbons and accolades, what are the real rewards of horse showing? This episode delves into the invaluable life skills children gain from participating in these events. From integrity and leadership to teamwork and dedication, horse shows offer more than just a platform for competition—they provide a foundation for personal growth and lifelong memories. Tune in to hear from my guests about the community spirit and the immense pride that comes from watching their children flourish in this unique and challenging sport.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey guys, sandy here Just wanted to take a second before the episode begins and to apologize for the sound quality of this one. My mic was kind of acting up that day and I had changed the location for this one, so please bear with me. It's definitely worth listening to. I have great content in this one. It's just the voices are going to be going up and down and there's a hollow sound in the background.

Speaker 2: 1:00

But I think you'll enjoy it anyway. So thanks for hanging in time to tune in to the Horse Fix, where, as you know, you can get a horse fix and perhaps fix your horse at the same time, and you might even help yourself along the way. I'm Dr Sandra Holt and I'm coming to you from the training facility of Royal Point Equestrian Center here in Longview, texas. Today, we have a great podcast in store for you. I have a collection of really cool individuals and they are going to give you insight on what it's like to be involved with horse show kids. I think you'll enjoy it. If you're thinking about getting your child into or showing, I think you'll get a lot out of this. I feel like you're going to be entertained as well. So let's get started. Okay, as promised, I have a little roundtable discussion going on today and we're going to talk about kids and their career as a horse show person. The group here is going to give you some insight as to what goes on at horse shows and how you prepare, what the ins and outs are, what the good, bad and ugly can be. I'm just going to start with having them introduce themselves. So, candy, we'll start with you. My name is Candy Bobo, my daughter is Jilly Bobo and our horse is Sassy and she is very much a Sassy fan. Clay Funderburg, oswald, texas. My daughter is Claire Funderburg and our horse's name is Armin Hi Sandy. My name is Samantha Beasley, my daughter's name is Gabriella and our horse's name is Tuck Everlasting. So you all went to a horse show not too long ago, didn't you? Our last show was the first weekend in June.

Speaker 2: 3:00

Okay, here's my feeling about kids and showing horses.

Speaker 2: 3:05

I think it gives them a great opportunity to run responsibility, to be accountable, to have fun, to become social in good ways rather than bad ways, and to travel with their parents, to celebrate their successes together and to be comforted with their failures, if that's what you want to call them. I think it's a positive life lesson for all these kids and for the parents, and something that memories that will last a lifetime. I also feel that you either win or you run, and there are no losers. And I've got a feeling that you all feel that you either win or you learn, and there are no losers. And I've got a feeling that you all feel that way too. And I'm eager to hear how you instill that philosophy and mentality into your children, because I have seen a lot of kids that are just horrible if they didn't do well, and they not only beat themselves up, but then they're just horrible to other people as well, and I just want to grab them and shake them and tell them that's not how you're supposed to be.

Speaker 2: 4:14

Anyway, candy, how do you feel about that particular aspect of showing that sportsmanship? We are brand new to this sports world and I totally agree with what you just said about you win or you learn, yes, and we have been so fortunate to find this little group of girls that are so supportive of each other. Win or lose, they are rallying, they are watching, they are cheering, and it's different every show. I mean, every one of them can go out the most prepared, and one little thing happens to the horse or one little thing happens to the nerves of the girl, and those girls are right there cheering along every time. So they're very supportive.

Speaker 1: 4:57

Where do you think?

Speaker 2: 4:58

that comes from. They have a fabulous trainer. The families are very similar and you know we're all out here watching our kids, we're all out here cheering our kids on, and so everyone's present, everyone's supportive, and I think you being present is a big big thing. I think that's one of the things that keeps the kids going. When I got my doctorate's degree in equine behavioral science, one of my studies was children in horse shows and the thing that they would keep going if they had fun. As soon as they stopped having fun, they would quit, and so it would be up to the parents and the trainer to make sure not only that they took it seriously, but they didn't take it to heart and they did enjoy themselves. So, clay, do you do anything special to make sure that your child has fun? I think just providing all of this, you know this opportunity for her, you know to have fun. But I think the horses at the house we have some at home, yeah, and that's been able to teach her a lot of responsibility, right, because she has to get up and she feeds them and waters in the morning, same thing in the evenings, you know, just always making sure to give them their baths. And does she complain about it? No, that's awesome. No, I didn't either. I grew up in Michigan and the old story about trudging through three feet of snow true in Michigan in the wintertime, and the horses were on the back end of the property and carrying hot water to get the pipes unfrozen and just did what you had to do because you loved it. You know, just did what you had to do because you loved it.

Speaker 2: 6:44

So, samantha, when your child comes out of the show pen and has not done her best that day, what's the dialogue like? So my daughter's the youngest of the group and I think she's been almost doing it as long as the oldest of the group. So with her, it's how you present things in the environment you create. So let's say, this last show, she had a really hard time. Her horse didn't behave, it was the first time she hadn't gone in and just cleaned up in the ribbons. So the dialogue was let's talk about what we learned from this experience. I'm so proud of you for pushing through, for not quitting. That's always the conversation we have. It doesn't matter the result. What matters is how you conduct yourself and that you do not quit, regardless of the circumstances. I don't care if you're in first place or last place, as long as you gave it your best and it's over and you feel good about it, and that's typically what our dialogue is. That's awesome. So, yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 2: 7:49

What I have told my students is you know they're going in to be better than you were before, so if you find one thing about your ride that was better than last time, then you you have won Right and you cannot control the other competitors, so you can't decide whether they're going to be good or bad. You can only decide for yourself, and it seems to help, but when there's tears and you're disappointed, it takes some time. It ruins a little bit. I think it helps, though, especially for these girls, and I think it's for all of the whole team. They are the ones that sought this out.

Speaker 2: 8:28

They are the ones that wanted to do this. They are the ones that had the love for the horses. It wasn't us that said hey, I want you to try horse riding. So it's their passion, they love it and they're going to go out and fight for it every time they ride. So they don't feel pushed. I don't think any of them do. Really. That's awesome, because I've seen a lot of them that have been pushed, and I've witnessed being a judge as well. I've witnessed the kids going out and hearing either the trainer or the parents say I've spent a lot of money on you and I expect a better job and you should have practiced harder.

Speaker 1: 9:06

We've do that.

Speaker 2: 9:10

There's always a time to say here's what we learned, like you said, samantha, but telling them that you know, because I spent a lot of money and expect you to do better, that's when they quit. That's when they quit, and I think a big part of this group is like. This is such an individual competing sport. It's based on an individual. It's not a team sport, it's an individual sport. But the support as the team that they have, they almost enjoy coming to the barn as much to be with their friends and running around with their friends as they do coming to be with their horses and learning. So both those aspects make all those hard times and hard shows and failures or learning experiences not mean as much, because they watch each other go through things and then they have such close friendships. Oh, I got such a kick out of them the other day. I happened to be out riding and they were all there for a lesson.

Speaker 2: 10:10

They were warming up before their lesson began.

Speaker 2: 10:13

They were giggling All the time, yeah, all the time. They come early, they stay late, yes, they just have a ball, yeah. And one of them was trotting over the ground lines and the horse kind of balked and she went up in front of the saddle a little bit and just went and it just really warmed my heart and I just love that. And each one of them are at a different level and so it's fun for them, I think, to watch the other girls because they're like oh, I have to do that next. So it's fun for them, I think, to watch the other girls because they're like oh, I have to do that next. Oh, I have to do that next. So none of them compete against each other. They have a little cross in between, you know, because each one basically almost has two divisions. So they have like a middle division between, like, they have their main and then their step up, and then the next one is their main and their step up. I think Clara is the main one. That's above, she's way above the other ones, because she's so much older and so much more experienced. So the little ones get a kick out of watching Clara. Love watching the numbers, love watching Clara.

Speaker 2: 11:20

So, candy, you said you're that kind of new at this yes, and we were talking before the podcast began and you mentioned that you've learned quite a bit from Samantha. Absolutely Well, you know for you listeners out there that are thinking about it, but you know nothing. It's okay, you're not the trainer, you're the parent. And, speaking of that, as I was training, I had a few parents that thought they were trainers and I didn't appreciate it. I'm going to ask you this how do you not get involved? Like, if you see something and you think she should be sitting back a little bit or putting her shoulders back or putting her heels down, and this is not catching it she should be sitting back a little bit or putting her shoulders back or putting her heels down, and this is not catching it.

Speaker 1: 12:11

How do you keep from?

Speaker 2: 12:12

saying that Luckily I know nothing about it, so I've tried it all these years where I've watched her do a competition, I think, oh my gosh, that's first place. She just no question, and then she didn't even place, and then I'll watch the next one. I'm like she did, okay, and got first place, so I really just have no knowledge. I just enjoy just watching her hard-riding my horse together, and as long as she's happy about and enjoys it, then we're happy about it. Do you video her and look at it together?

Speaker 2: 12:43

My husband used to video me until he videoed the wrong person. So, samantha, how do you keep that boundary? There's 100,000 times percent trust in our trader. We're trusting to keep our kids safe. We're trusting for them to take care of our horses. They're huge investments for everything, so you have to for us. I know it's easy. We have a place that we completely trust our trainer and her intentions and what she's doing. So therefore, I mean we're trusting our kids' safety, we're trusting our horses' well-being. So that is her responsibility and we kind of interfere. All that is saying is we don't trust what she's doing with her horse and if we're trusting her to take care of her horse seven days a week, complete well-being and our children, all these thousand-pound animals that we don't know, she knows. You know we need to support our kids and support each other as a team. That's our place to support, not their training.

Speaker 1: 13:54

Of course I wanted to do her best and you know, for her to accomplish what she wants to.

Speaker 2: 13:59

That's the good thing about her, because even at the last show that we went to, or two shows ago, her horse went all the way down there and then had a problem with his foot, so she didn't even yeah, so she didn't even get to show, but she wanted to stay the whole weekend to support her team. So she just, you know, that was a I don't think I would have handled it near as good as she did. You know, looking back, I was a teenager being so competitive and I'd be like, well, I'm going to put home. But this isn't fair. And she didn't complain, she wanted to stay. I was like, well, are we going? I mean, I was the one going, are we going home? And she's like, oh, we're staying, I want to watch everybody jump. I mean, it's my team. So what do you do about their nerves before class? Or do they even experience nervousness? My child is very, very, very nervous and I just tell her breathe. We, mom, swap, we do.

Speaker 1: 14:58

We definitely mom swap, you take my head, I'll take yours.

Speaker 2: 15:04

They respond better. Yes, what is your role? Are you the one that goes and makes sure the back number is fastened? Are you the ones that groom the horses and make sure that you know everything's in order and their jackets are on straight, and that kind of thing? We make sure they're clean, they're dressed and they're on time. Okay, that's our responsibility. The kid is together, where they're supposed to be dressed appropriately, and the trainers just tell us where to have them, when to have them, and that's it. We hand them off. We hand them off. We hand them off.

Speaker 2: 15:43

I was kind of too, in the my daughter's, in the middle range to where there's so much going, and Melissa will text that says go get Julie ready, go have her dressed, you know. And so we rush off to the farm, make sure she's dressed, her horse is ready, and then she's on her way. So you were saying earlier that it's an all-day event. It is very much an all-day event, and you don't know what time you're going to be in. You have an idea, but there could be 20 girls in one class and we have no. You know however long it takes to get through the over-the-fences in the black class and then we go right on into ours. Yes, and you know, that's I think.

Speaker 2: 16:29

I think it's very important that parents are present at the shows for that very reason, not only to support your child and and the ins and outs and the goods and the bads, but also to, you know, help them, because that calms their nerves down if they know mom or dad is there and can help them get to where they want to be, because they've got enough to worry about. They've got to show their voice. So I'm taking it that none of you have ever shown a voice. No, never, no, never. So I suggest that one day you find a show that you can get on the horse and do even a walk jog class or a walk roll class, so that you can get that feeling that the kids get when they go in the pen, and it will make a big difference for you. You'll look at them in a different light and you'll have I know that you already have a lot of respect for what they do and hold them high in that regard, but it will even make a difference from that, will even make a difference from that, having done it all myself, showing, coaching, parent, a kid that showed being a judge. There's nothing like that experience to be able to empathize with them a little more.

Speaker 2: 17:58

Okay, samantha, give me some advice to incoming parents of show kids. I think the best advice I would give is to follow your child's lead, to not be the one not have your own expectations of what you want out of it or what level you expect them to be at or how quickly you expect them to move up. Yet, or how quickly you expect them to move up is to really follow your child's lead and their confidence level, their skill level, and support them through it. To keep it fun for them Because, again, once it's not fun, they don't want to do it anymore and also to make sure that, as well as it's fun, that they understand the responsibility behind it, that you are responsible to the animal that you're showing. You are responsible to yourself because it is individual. It's not. You don't get to just show up and I'm going to make you look cute and pretty and then you get to run around and play and then get on your horse and go show and then go run around and play, you know.

Speaker 2: 19:06

So I think that would be my biggest advice and just be really prepared for some really long days and really long show days and lots of nerves and crying and excitement and emotional roller coasters, but at the end of the day, what it teaches them and the bonds that they make. I can't see any other sport being able to teach those life lessons and those senses of responsibility and self-worth and being able to you know my daughter's nine, you know she's had some really rough times this year and to get her to get over fears and find that confidence and become strong enough to keep going, those are life lessons that can't be taught. Oh, I know, those are just experience, life lessons that are lifelong and I think they resonate with them to the point where it carries forward. Yes, and it helps in their schoolwork and you know I always insist on my students to show me their report cards or tell me their grades, and if they do poorly on school, I say well, let's take a month off of writing. Oh, no, miss Sandy, yeah, because obviously you need a little more focus on your schoolwork. Come to the barn and do schoolwork instead of come to the barn and do anything. I like that idea.

Speaker 2: 20:37

So what do you think about that? I think that it is definitely a commitment and I don't think I knew exactly what I was getting into as well. It's a financial commitment. The time commitment, I mean we are at the barn four to five days a week at least and these kids, they are the ones that are getting these courses. I love that about our trainer is you don't just go out there and ride. I mean, they groom them, they tack on, they do it, you have your lesson, you come back to the barn, you untack, you bathe, you put up, you walk a mile to the paddock. I mean it's not all fencing games. It's hot, yes, it's hot, or it's cold, but it's teaching these kids, especially mine.

Speaker 2: 21:24

That I said was nerve-wracking. I mean, she has grown. I can tell how much she's grown over this past year and how old is she. She is 11. But just the responsibility, because I am very I'm a hard mom, I'm hard on grades, hard on everything, and I can see how much she's lost. Yes, that's great.

Speaker 2: 21:48

So what kind of advice would you give For newbies? Patience, have patience For everything, for the whole, the lessons, the shows, just everything involved in there, and then just trusting the coach. You're paying the coach to do it, so let the coach do it. Expect the unexpected? Yes for sure. Pivot pivot has been our word at worship. Pivot pivot I love that. It's never going to go as planned. No, this is true. This is so true. What about the drama? Do you ever watch Dance Moms? Absolutely Okay, I love that show. The drama is so entertaining. But is there any drama that goes on between the adults? I don't think we have. We've had that within ourselves. I think us as parents are a lot more competitive than our kids are. Yes, and I like that honestly. I mean, I know I and my daughter are like, oh, you did great, I got the fourth place, you know, and I'm like who are these kids that beat you? You know?

Speaker 1: 23:06

That's it.

Speaker 2: 23:07

You know and we I think we've seen some of it, but outside of our barn I know I personally have been very good friends with parents that their kid is competing with my kid Right From a different barn and there's some kids that were like this girl is so good. And then we track down the mom and Candy and I have been like the daughter is amazing and she's demolishing our kids, yes, and creating that environment. And the kids see us do that and other families see us do that.

Speaker 2: 23:41

But we don't act in that way to create it, and I don't think that people are going to approach us in that way because we don't present that way. How many kids all together around the team? Eight or nine, you know that's a lot of kids for a show. It's a lot of responsibility. It is. It really is. How do you house them overnight? Everybody, we all make our own travel arrangements, hotels and that's another fun part of these kids showing the show's over. Who has the best school in their hotel room? We all have our own. We all go eat together. We all go eat together. They think that's a great part of the show.

Speaker 2: 24:26

So the show environment is just strong, strong. Yes, you know a lot of what goes on. Yes, we've been very pleased with it here, pleased with our daughters getting into horses Right. What they've taught the walk-a-lose taught us. Yes, you've got to have a lot more patience in this sport. What they've taught the law school has taught us to, as parents, you've got to have a lot more patience in this sport because it is such long days and things that pop up of course, where else she can't ride for a month. You're not just dealing with a child, it's two entities there and the child is not just dealing with their own skill level. They have to appreciate and coordinate themselves with the horse, another living entity, and who knows what can happen when you're dealing with another entity like that.

Speaker 2: 25:23

I hadn't noticed all the girls, whether they ride, great or they have a tough ride, they're all there to support, no matter what. They're cheering a lot. Yes, so that's great to see. Yes, so the typical expense of a horse show A lot, a lot. You know, first I had no idea the horse, the vet bills, the boarding, the grooming, the, the attire, the furniture, the shots, the attire. And then you go to the show and so you have spent this, you know, exorbitant amount. And for them and we talk about this all the time for their faces to light up over a 25-cent ribbon yes, we've done all this. And then that 25 cent ribbon is like, just makes it Whatever color it is, it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, my husband says my belt buckles are $4,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 26:24

It happens that way. Yeah Well, it is expensive and I think everybody needs to be aware of that. Overall, the parents need to know going into it, if you have a horse, the first cost of that horse Buying the horse is not a big cost. You know it can be. But then the maintenance and you know, and the boarding and the training and what have you, and then the travels to the show and then the entry fees and then eating at the show and sleeping at the show. So it all adds up, folks, and I think that you know, buyer, beware of that. But as Candy said you, 25-cent ribbon is everything. I mean it's definitely something that you cannot duplicate and I think equestrian sports do have a special connotation to them and a special resonance to these kids that you can't find that in another sport.

Speaker 2: 27:32

Well, we're almost out of time, unfortunately, but before I close I would like to say thank you to Melissa Maitland. Melissa is the owner, operator and trainer of the Royal Point Equestrian Center. Thank you, melissa, for allowing me to use your office today for this episode of my podcast, but also thank you for being such an attentive owner of your boarding facility and training facility. You are always seen to it that the horses are well cared for and your place is always pristine. You and your staff do a superb job, and I wouldn't be anywhere else now, now that you've spoiled me and my horses. So thanks, melissa, and also thanks to you three for joining me at my roundtable discussion today Candy, clay and Samantha.

Speaker 2: 28:27

You have been a wealth of information. I've enjoyed chatting with you about all of this show business. You have all made it very clear that, although there are costs involved, that it's important for us, while we're diving deep into our pocketbooks, to remember that you know, this horse show thing for our kids is not just about that 25 cent ribbon. It's about what that ribbon means, and earning a prize is just a kind of a side effect of everything else that the children are gaining, like integrity, leadership, responsibility, accountability, work ethic, sportsmanship, teamwork, dedication and, finally, joy. So, my friends, that's all for today. Thanks for taking the time to listen and until next time may all your blues be your events. Bye-bye.