Have you ever found yourself navigating tough times, feeling overwhelmed by guilt or worry? I've been there, and in this heartfelt episode, I share my personal experience of visiting my 92-year-old mother in the hospital after she sustained a brain injury and a cracked spine. By discussing strength, perseverance, and faith, we explore how to deal with guilt, empathy, and worry while leaning on our inner resources to get through life's challenging moments.
Listen in as we uncover the power of looking at the positive side of "what ifs" and the importance of having faith in oneself to overcome adversity. We also discuss the comforting role of prayer and the emotional solace that can be found in connecting with our horses or whatever brings us joy. This episode is a reminder to embrace the sunshine in your life, and let it guide you through getting better at handling those tough times.
May all your blues be ribbons
Have you ever found yourself navigating tough times, feeling overwhelmed by guilt or worry? I've been there, and in this heartfelt episode, I share my personal experience of visiting my 92-year-old mother in the hospital after she sustained a brain injury and a cracked spine. By discussing strength, perseverance, and faith, we explore how to deal with guilt, empathy, and worry while leaning on our inner resources to get through life's challenging moments.
Listen in as we uncover the power of looking at the positive side of "what ifs" and the importance of having faith in oneself to overcome adversity. We also discuss the comforting role of prayer and the emotional solace that can be found in connecting with our horses or whatever brings us joy. This episode is a reminder to embrace the sunshine in your life, and let it guide you through getting better at handling those tough times.
May all your blues be ribbons
Speaker 1: Hello everyone and welcome back to The Horse Fix. This is Dr Sandra Holt and I'm coming to you not from the training facility of Winterhaven Ranch in Abrey, Texas, but from a hospital room in Denton, Texas. No, I'm not the patient, but my 92 year old mother is. which brings me to today's topic. I'm going to be discussing strength, perseverance and faith. If you've not heard my episodes before then, you may not be aware that I am all about helping you with your self-development and growth. Whether it be on a horse, sitting behind a desk, standing at an ironing board or out on an athletic field, I feel that my job is to help you get a little bit better every single day at something. Today, I'd like to help you get better at getting through the tough times. So let's get started. Well, it's actually a pretty day here in Texas. The sun's shining, there's a little breeze, it kind of has that vacation-y type weather going on And on my way to the hospital to visit my mother this morning, I put the top down in my car and enjoyed smelling green grass and feeling the sun shining, feeling the breeze. But at the same time that I was enjoying it, I was a little angry because how dare it be nice weather when my mother is sitting in a hospital room suffering from a fall? Yes, she fell several times last week and sustained a brain injury and a cracked spine Being 92, you can imagine how difficult this has been and will be on her. So, as her daughter, i feel a certain obligation, but mostly I feel so much empathy for her And I look in her eyes and I see her grimace with pain and I feel that same pain And I know many of you feel that way about your loved ones when something goes wrong with them. You know perhaps it's not someone being hurt that you're having to deal with. Maybe it's a divorce, maybe you're going through a tough time financially and you have a setback and you've lost your job. Maybe Or maybe it's a simple thing like your car broke down. Whatever it be, you know things happen to good people. That's just what it is, and you know we can't control that. But what we can control is how we deal with the bad things that happen.
Speaker 1: I am going to outline a few things for you today that might help you to get through some tough times. I don't know about you out there, but I know that I'd much rather be in physical or emotional pain than have someone that I love be in pain. And when they are in pain, you know that old guilt monster tugs at me. First of all, i feel guilty because I can't change it for them And secondly, i feel guilty because I'm not going through it, that they are instead. So one of my first tips to you is throw the guilt away. Yes, easier said than done, i totally agree. But think about it for a minute. What does the guilt do for you? Let me have you ask yourself this question If I feel guilty long enough and hard enough, what will that do to change the situation? So, in my case, i didn't get to the hospital room as quickly as I wanted to this morning, and as I'm driving there, what overtook my great sensation of smelling green grass was my feeling of guilt, because I wasn't there yet. How did that guilt change the fact that I wasn't there yet? and how does that guilt change the fact that my mother isn't paying? It does not. No matter how hard and no matter how long and no matter how intensely I embrace guilt, it does not change a darn thing. So do your best to throw that guilt away.
Speaker 1: Now let's talk about empathy. Same thing, i mean. I'm very empathetic. I feel empathy for a butterfly who has a broken wing and cannot fly off. It can make me cry. So I feel real empathy for someone like my mother who is in pain. So if you're like me and you're trying to deal with empathy, you know. First of all, acknowledge that empathy is a good thing and without it, there may not be as many people on this earth to help others, but also acknowledge that empathy can be an enemy to you and that you cannot let it overtake. You Use empathy. Use it to your advantage so that you can help others.
Speaker 1: Now then let's talk about worry. It's so easy and so common and normal for all of us to worry. Okay, we lost our job. We're worried about what's in the future. How are we gonna pay our bills? How are we gonna send our kids to school with nice clothes? How are we going to put gas in our car? How are we gonna pay our mortgage? Worry, worry, worry. What I would encourage you to do is, instead of worry, take action. If you've lost your job, make it your job to find a new one. Your full-time job will be to find a job. Taking action can definitely take down the level of worry that you have in your heart and in your mind.
Speaker 1: What if you're worried about your loved one, like I'm worried about my mother right now? Am I worried about my mother? Yes, ma'am, yes, sir. Am I worried about what the future holds for her in her twilight years? I'm very worried about that. Am I worried that I cannot take care of her like I have promised to do so? Yes, am I worried that she will not get the best care while she's in the hospital right now and when she's in the rehab facility? Yes, worry is all around us when it comes to things like this. So what to do about it? First, go back to my simple mantra If I worry hard enough and long enough, will that make a change? And the answer is, of course, no. So, instead of worry, i'm going to replace it with action, and I suggest you do too. Make a plan. Change your energy to one that has substance. Now, if we are totally unable to fix, then what can we do? Ask yourself the question what possibly can I do? What action can I take to make the situation? if not 100% better, what about 1% better? In my case, it's to support my mother to be there for her, to stand next to her to ask the doctor's questions and to do the research and to find out what possibly can be done to help her to seek out the best rehab facility, to change the worry into plans.
Speaker 1: I may have told this story before if you've listened to some of my other episodes, but I had a wonderful, delightful, angelic friend. Her name was Jane. She's passed away On her deathbed. I think it was about an hour before she died she and I were talking. Now let me digress for a minute and say that Jane was a planner. She planned everything and she took action on her plans. And she was passed 80 when she passed away. But at that point she was still making plans. She was planning to remodel her living room, she was planning to put her money in a different CD, she was planning on having a party plan, plan, plan and she always took action and followed through with all her plans. I really had admired her for that, because I know that it kept her stronger, it kept her more vital, it kept her younger, kept her going Well. About an hour before she died I was laying in bed with her And she looked at me and said, sandy, i've got a new plan. I said what's that, jane? And she said, well, i'm thinking angels. So there came a time in her rough moments that she developed a plan, and I believe that plan was for acceptance. Now, i'm not about you accepting every difficult time that comes your way, but what I am about is making a plan, even if it's one to accept the inevitable. Jane knew that she needed to continue the plan all the way to the end. That helped her get through the dying process, which is the ultimate challenge.
Speaker 1: I guess Along with worry comes the what if syndrome. We'll ask ourselves the question what if I don't get another job? What if I never find another spouse? What if my loved one doesn't make it? The what ifs can really do us in And of course, that goes along with worry. But I am going to challenge you on this day, in this moment, to put just as much credence to the what if something good happens as you do to the what if something bad happens.
Speaker 1: For example, what if I get a new job? What if this is the job that I've been dreaming of all my life? What if this job is closer to where I live? What if this job pays more. What if I meet new people and have a brand new life? So you know, look at that the plus side of what ifs, first. It's okay to look at the negative side of what ifs as well. What if I don't get a new job? What if I can't pay my bills next month? What if I lose my house?
Speaker 1: Go ahead and use those what ifs and come up with the worst scenario you can think of. Say it out loud voice it, write it down and then realize that you can deal with the what ifs, negative or positive. You're standing, aren't you? You've been through a few bad times and you made it. So have confidence in yourself that, even if the what if is the worst case scenario, you will make it through it and things will turn around.
Speaker 1: But you know, if this what ifs just totally get to you and you feel frozen and you feel stuck, then my next tip is to get some help. Reach out to those that you know have a positive outlook on life. Reach out to those that you know care about you. Reach out to those that you know are wise and perhaps a bit older and been through a lot, or reach out to you'll guess what I might reach out to Reach out to your horse. I know this afternoon, when I get back from the hospital, i'm going to go to the barn And I'm going to mess with my horse, i'm going to groom her, i'm going to linger. If I have enough physical energy after having not slept several nights, i will get on her And I won't train on her, i'll just enjoy her. You know, our horses don't judge us and our horses don't offer opinions and offer advice, but what they do is offer us comfort.
Speaker 1: So reach out to those who offer comfort, even if it's to lay down in your bed and pull around you the softest and most comfortable blanket, or throw and put your head on their softest pillow and lay very still. Now I'm not talking about being frozen, but I'm talking about laying very still and being in the moment and feeling the comfort of the blanket and hearing the sounds around you. Maybe you hear a bird chirping right outside your window, or maybe you even hear the air conditioner kick on with a soft hum. Whatever it be, be in the moment, not in the past, not in the future, not in the what ifs, not in the worries, not in the fear, but just be right there with yourself and bring yourself comfort. So all the things I've spoken about so far have to do with pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, reaching deep within and pulling out the strength that you know you have and setting that strength right out there on the table and looking at it clearly as you can and saying I need you right now, don't let me down.
Speaker 1: We often think that we might let ourselves down when times get tough, but when times are the toughest, that's when we become the strongest. Which brings me to the last part of this episode, that is, having faith. It's easy to have faith when things are going well. Of course, it's easy to cheer for the team that is winning. But when the chips are down, and when that team is way beyond winning, where do we go from there? If you're way beyond winning, guys, that's when you reach down and you find the faith from within.
Speaker 1: Now, to me, faith isn't exactly what some people might think it to be. For me, it's not winning the game, it's surviving the game. I have faith that I will be able to handle whatever comes my way. So do I have faith that my mom will get better? Well, what I have faith in is that God will choose the right course and that, in his choosing, i have faith that I will be able to handle his choice. So it's not exactly having faith in the situation, it's having faith in myself, and I'm very faith-based, and I do have faith that things will turn out well, But, on the flip side, i have stronger faith that I'll be able to handle things that do not turn out exactly as I hoped.
Speaker 1: Now, having said that, i do want to encourage all of you to participate in prayer, to pray for yourself and pray for your loved ones. I want you to ask for what you need and what you desire, so do so And then have faith that he will answer you appropriately. So I think I'm going to close it for now, guys, think I've said everything that's on my heart and in my mind. I know this wasn't exactly course related, except for the fact that many times, horses do get us through challenging moments and through the tough times, and I encourage you to look to your horse for that.
Speaker 1: As I close this episode, i'm watching my mother sleep peacefully in the hospital bed. The shade is open and the sun is shining through the window, and it's causing her hair to glisten and her cheeks to sparkle, her brow is soft and she seems to be resting very comfortably. I hope that all of you can find your sunshine every day and even if things are tough, look for it and you will find it. So until next time, my dear friends, my wish for you is that all of your blues be ribbons. Bye, bye.