The Horse Fix
The Horse Fix
Unyielding Spirit - The Art of Never Giving Up
In this episode I talk about sticking to it -where we tackle the essence of grit and the art of not giving up. We delve into the incremental nature of self-growth, and why the search for progress is more powerful than the quest for perfection. From the journey I'm on with my mare, Electra, once labeled untrainable, to the universal battles we all face, this episode is an homage to the tenacious spirit that prevails in the face of adversity.
This conversation isn't just about sticking it out—it's a blueprint for rekindling passion and honing the skills required to navigate life's storms. Reflect with us on those challenging moments that we all encounter and discover how your passion can be the fuel to push through. Join us for an inspiring reminder of the resilience that lies within, ready to carry us through life's hurdles, no matter how daunting.
May all your blues be ribbons
Hi everybody, and thank you for tuning back in to the Horse Fix, where you know you can get that horse fix and perhaps fix your horse at the same time, as well as maybe help yourself along the way. I am Dr Sandra Holt and I'm coming to you from my studio here in Longview, texas. I have an interesting and probably a thought-provoking topic today. For you, it's about sticking to it, not giving up. For some of us, it can be a constant challenge to not give up. For others, it's just a can of corn, so to speak, or a piece of cake. They just don't even consider giving up. Who are those people who just always stick to it, no matter what, and how can they do that? Well, I did find some people out there this week and talked to them, and I'm going to share some of their stories with you, as well as give you some tips on how it is possible to stick to it. So that's what we're going to talk about today and, if there's time, I'm going to answer a few questions that some of you have sent my way. So let's get started. How do you describe it? Quitting, surrendering, relenting, throwing in the towel, bolding, submitting, backing down, giving in, caving, in. No matter how you say it, it's all the same. It means that you have decided not to go forward. Now, I'm sure there are times when that's appropriate and when doing so is actually a positive thing, but you might agree with me that, for the most part, if you don't stick to it, you might agree with me that, for the most part, if you don't stick to it, you don't get to it. Oh, I just made that up, you know. I believe there are all kinds of reasons, legitimate reasons, why people would want to quit and not stick to the situation, whatever it might be. As you're trying and trying and giving all the efforts that you can, the last thing to go is hope, and once you feel hopeless, that is the time that you are more apt to give it up. So, when all else fails, I'm encouraging you to hold on to the hope that things will get better, or that things will turn out the way you want them to, or that you will succeed in whatever your effort is. Otherwise, you know you stop growing, and I think that you know giving up means the growth ends, in that particular category at least. And then what's next? One of my favorite podcasters and horse trainers and clinicians, phil Haugen says when you stop growing, you die In fact.
Speaker 1:Speaking of Phil, if you haven't listened to his podcast you ought to tune in. I'm a loyal listener of his. I learn something every time. The name of his podcast is Be your Best Horsemanship, and he has many, many years of experience and he not only touches on the horsemanship side of it, like I do, but he also touches on the human ship side of it, as I do, and believes in self-development and always touches on that during his podcast. So I think if you listen to me and if you like what I have to say, you'll really like what he has to say.
Speaker 1:At any rate, I kind of got off tangent there, but I talked to Phil. He had some great things to say to me about sticking to it. Phil told me that you know that's an important topic that he often talks about at his clinics. He has roundtable discussions at his clinics and you know they touch on that all the time and they not only talk about horsemanship and riding horses but they also talk about building the horse business as trainers, and so they're often invited to give up feeling that pressure to be perfect, and he said that he has learned that anytime there's a progression in what you want to do and you're starting to grow, it's always preceded by a challenge. You know, sometimes those challenges are big and sometimes not so big. But Phil says why we get frustrated and why we want to quit sometimes is because we're beating with resistance. And it's just like training horses, phil says.
Speaker 1:When he's in the middle of a big challenge or a frustrating situation, he reminds himself that you're not going to overcome a challenge in a day, or maybe even a month. You just have to show up and keep working on it and keep getting that 1% better this talks about. It's not about perfection, it's about progress. And so just every single day, try and get at least 1% better at something, no matter what it is. 1% better at something, no matter what it is. I think one of the most important things that I have heard Phil say is that it's all about progress, not perfection, and if the only thing you're happy with is perfection, then you'll never be happy, because there was only one person that was actually perfect. So, phil Haugen, if you're listening to this, thank you so much for your comments and for caring enough to get back to me and answer my question about sticking to it.
Speaker 1:I know for me, as I get older now I'm 72, as we age, it does become more physically and mentally challenging to have the tenacity and the motivation to keep going. So if any of you are seniors out there, keep in mind that it's really important to stick to it, not only for yourself, but for all of your loved ones. My mother was a perfect example of the tenacious woman. Oh my gosh. She never quit on anything until the day she died. She was quite the fighter and she taught me a lot about that. She was quite the fighter and she taught me a lot about that, and I think most of you women out there will agree with this that women are particularly strong.
Speaker 1:Of course, the age-old concept of childbirth is one sign that we are the stronger of the sexes. But men are not disky men. They're strong too, and what would we do without them? But you know, men are not disky men. They're strong too, and what would we do without them? But women have this innate ability to muster up the strength when they need it. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said a woman is like a teabag you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. And so I bet you there are a lot of you out there that can relate to that that you might not have even known how strong you were until you got really deep into hot water.
Speaker 1:And and don't forget that about yourselves, whether you're male or female that you do have a strength. That isn't always apparent on the outside, but if you'll dig deep inside, you will find it. I think our strength comes from within and it's only a matter of us knowing that it's there. Because it is there, it's been there all along. But going back to my mother, she went through her knocks and bumps and bruises and had a really, really challenging, rough life, and she stuck to it until she was 93 and finally decided to join my dad in heaven. Decided to join my dad in heaven.
Speaker 1:But you know and this is not to sound modeling or anything but you know, my father was a very strong man and set great examples for me daily, but he did finally give up and I think it was too soon. Actually, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. Never smoked a day in his life, but it was diagnosed with lung cancer when he was 69 and they gave him six months to live. And of course we were all shocked and very sad and you know, I came home, I went to the doctor with him and we came home and he immediately got on the telephone and started calling all of his loved ones. I mean right away he sat down, grabbed the phone and started calling them to say goodbye and to tell them that he's been given six months and he wanted to say goodbye to them and and perhaps they could come visit, you know, before he passes. But and then had made plans the next day to go out. He was a carpenter and made plans that he was going to go out and build his coffin. I mean that blew me away. So in about seven months I guess it was he died.
Speaker 1:Now I don't know that if he would not given up and not taken the doctor's word for it, had he lived longer. You know, no one will ever know. And you know, maybe he was doing the right thing for all concerned to succumb to that and to relent. But you know, when I watched my mom fight for her life, she gave us so many more years. She gifted us herself for so many more years because she had the tenacity and the fight in her. My dad was no weak character. He was no wimp, he was a pillar. So for him to do that maybe he knew something we didn't know. But at any rate, I am choosing to follow my mom's lead. I will no matter whether it's that big or whether it's a small thing. I'm not going to give up. I'm going to stick to it. Now, since I'm talking about family, I'm going to stick to it. Now, since I'm talking about family, my daughter responded to my chat from the Horse Fix site and I didn't even know she was going to do that, but she had something to say about it and I'll read it to you.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, not giving up doesn't have to be grandiose. Today, I cleaned my house for about seven hours. This is never easy for me. Yes, I am Sandy's child, but I am a pack rat. I will put off cleaning until I absolutely have to do it. I didn't give up today and feel pretty darn proud of myself. Of course, now I'm walking around hunched over and can barely move, but I didn't give up until it was done. Sometimes the little wins are big. I like what she had to say because, yeah, you know, the little things put together are big and you know it all comes down to, I think, is, you know, sticking to it can be something that you make as your lifestyle. It doesn't have to be just an individual moment, but just part of who you are, and I think the people who stick to it definitely show their character as being one that you want to be around. You want some of that to rub off on you, or perhaps you're the person that everyone wants to be around because you have the stick-to-itiveness that they want to have. Also, much to my surprise, in my chat was my stepdaughter, so it seemed to be a family affair going on there. At any rate, here's what she said about not giving up.
Speaker 1:Back in high school, I played on a co-ed soccer team. I was a freshman and we were doing two-a-days in the August heat. It was brutal and we were doing conditioning and this particular drill was called 12 minutes and you had to run a solid 12 minutes around the soccer's goals at each end of the field. I wanted to stop so bad, like some of my other friends, but I didn't and I kept pushing. Well, it paid off, because at the start of the season I was the only girl on the soccer field with a bunch of guys that were mainly all upperclassmen, while the other girls were on the sidelines. In the end I was glad I didn't give up and pushed through. It was definitely a test of everything I had in me Sticking to.
Speaker 1:It can be an everyday thing like cleaning the house or kind of a turning point in your life about what you have inside of you to keep going on the soccer field. My good friend, nora, who you all know by now, said this in the chat. Well, I made a conscious decision to never give up on any situation that was in my control business or horses, or my son raising him. I have a strong conviction and don't like quitting unless I have tried all avenues to achieve a goal or a solution. There is always a solution to any issue, as I am learning in life, and that was very wise. Thank you, nora, for that comment. So one very quick story about sticking to it that I may have said this before in one of my other episodes, I'm not sure, but it's worth repeating.
Speaker 1:My husband Wayne, when he was courting me, he asked me to marry him. He asked me every day for three years. Every day he would fit it into a sentence, a conversation he would say you know, pass the butter. Will you marry me? Isn't it a beautiful day? Will you marry me? Where do you want to go for dinner tonight? Will you marry me? You know, he ended every sentence with will you marry me? Every single day, at least once a day. Well, after three years, one day he did not ask me and I missed it. I was like, hmm, what's going on here? So at dinner that night I said Wayne, you forgot to ask me something today or tell me something today. He said what I said well, you know that thing, you always ask me something today or tell me something today. He said what I said well, you know that thing, you always ask me every single day. He said I don't know what you're talking about. I said you know, you know that thing. And he goes. What I said you know, will you marry me? And he said yes, two weeks later we were married. So, anyway, he never gave up. He stuck to it, he focused, he measured what mattered and he kept on keeping on so and he succeeded.
Speaker 1:So what are you going through right now that you have been tempted or invited to give up, and what do you say to yourself about that. Do you have tenacity to keep going or do you feel tired and do you want to quit? I encourage you, before you quit, reach out for that hope and think about the measures you need to take to get where you want to go. Stick to the task until it sticks to you. You know it's important, I think, to think about. You know your hardest times in life. Think about your past and what you've accomplished so far and how difficult it might have been. If it wasn't difficult, was it worth it? And you know, I think the measure of difficulty makes it even more important to you. Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments in your life. Remember that and remember that tough situations for you will build your strong character and will make you a stronger person and will make you a stronger person.
Speaker 1:I can't think of anything that I've truly felt good about accomplishing that didn't come first by a lot of hard work and a lot of I don't want to say suffering, but a lot of digging in and really working toward it. And, like my daughter, lisa says, and it could be as mundane as cleaning a house, but it's all those types of things that you get your mindset and keep going, or it could be as difficult as fighting cancer and as big as that, and it's your mindset, it's your heartfelt conviction to continue on. Remember that, no matter how many times you get knocked down, just make sure that you get up one more time than you get knocked down and then you'll always remain standing. So we're 18 minutes into this podcast and I barely mentioned the horse, and I apologize to my horse friends out there. Let me talk a little bit about challenge I'm having right now with my horse and some of you may be able to relate and it may help you.
Speaker 1:I've been working with my six-year-old mare, who has given me opportunities to quit many, many times. She is not an easy mare to train and to work with. She's the one that created the scene where I broke my wrist. She has been brilliant at times but, as of late, not so brilliant. And after I broke my wrist some of you might know this I sent her off to a trainer while I was recuperating and to keep her going, and a month later he calls me and says come get her. She's not that trainable and she's dangerous. I was devastated because I really had high hopes for her connecting with this trainer. But it didn't happen. So at that point I seriously considered selling her and pretty much giving up on her. Something inside of me said not to.
Speaker 1:So my wrist is pretty much healed now it's about 80% and I'm back to riding and training and I've decided to continue on. For one reason is that I'm very attached and some of you out there I'm sure are attached to your horses that you know want to be difficult at times, so you know what I'm talking about. But yeah, I decided, okay, we're going to try this again. And basically I had to start all over, even though right before I broke my wrist I was actually on my way to the Fort Worth Stock Show to show in the Quarter Horse Division and and she was ready and I was so excited about showing her. And then she took a step back after I sent her to the trainer. I'm not blaming the trainer, but definitely they didn't get along and and they, they fought with each other and she fights. So that's not how to connect with her. At any rate, I'm starting over, I'm back to square one. She doesn't want to move forward. So I'm having to help her to decide to do that and my mindset is to stick to this and to give her every single opportunity to be the horse that I think she can be, and I think that she was a short time ago.
Speaker 1:So if you're experiencing this kind of thing with your horse, you know, stop and measure what's important and measure what matters to you. And if the horse itself matters to you and not just the outcome but the actual horse, if it matters to you, keep on keeping on until you feel that just not going to happen. Until you feel that it's just not going to happen. But first turn over every single stone and try your level best to create that connection and to make yourself available to the horse, to feel safe and to feel that they can trust you when you ask them to do something.
Speaker 1:Dr Phil says that to people who are thinking about divorce and they have children together, to make sure that they do try every single opportunity and avenue to reconnect with each other, not only for themselves but for the children's sake. And if they feel like they have done that, then they can walk away from the marriage feeling okay about it. But unless you have done that, then you shouldn't feel good about quitting. Well, I feel that way about my horse. I've got to take every opportunity to complete our connection and then go from there. So I'm interested to hear from all of you about your relationship with your horse and whether you have felt like quitting, or whether you are right now feeling like quitting, or your relationship with your spouse or your children or a friend. Reach out to me, let me know, and then perhaps I can put that on my next podcast and other people might learn from what you have been going through and what your successes are and what your challenges are.
Speaker 1:As far as Elektra and I, you know I'm 72 years old. Time's ticking Time definitely flies by. When you're getting older, it just seems to fly by faster. But the good news is I am the pilot, I am the navigator, and so I can choose to fly through the storm if I want to and I want to. So here we go and on those same lines. Here we go and on those same lines. My late husband, who was a pilot, happened to die in a plane crash. He said this to me. He said that when you're facing difficulties, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind and the only way you can truly soar is if you will conquer that wind and fly against it to be in the smooth skies.
Speaker 1:Okay, so in the beginning of this episode, I did promise to give you some tips on how to stick to it. Well, first, sharpen your focus. Don't make it such a big picture that you feel overcome by it and it feels like overwhelming and zero in on what you really want to accomplish. Be sure to build your skill level. You can't learn to be a world champion, reiner, if you haven't built up those skill levels to do so. Learn how to slide, stop. Learn how to spin your horse. Or if you're wanting to become a CEO of a large company, build that skill level and ignite passion.
Speaker 1:Find what you're passionate about. If you can find that, ignite that passion that you have for the quest and let it build inside of you. We win from within. Take what's from within and use it. I mentioned before. Measure what matters and then focus on what matters to you.
Speaker 1:Identify your one thing, and what I mean by that is when you do ignite your passion. You do that by identifying that one thing that means the most to you that you want to succeed in. Plan for the future, but believe in the present. Don't give up hope. Make it the last thing that goes. And in closing, folks, here's what I want to say to you that you and God may be the only entities left who believe in you, but you know what? That's enough. It takes one star to pierce a universe of darkness. So never give up on yourself or God. I'm going to leave you with this something my mother used to always say Be like a postage stamp, stick to something until you get there. Hope this has helped all of you, and I am out of time for this episode, but I promise to get to the questions and answers at the beginning of the next episode and until then I wish this for you may all your blues be ribbons bye, thank you.